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Series: 30 Rock
Season: 3
Episode: [8] Flu Shot
Original Air Date: 01/15/09 (TV); 01/16/09 (Online)
Liz: I even bought a new swimsuit.
Cerie: What is that?
Liz: It’s called a tank-quart, Cerie. You may have seen it in US Weekly. Being worn by Dame Judy Dench – ‘s mother.
Kenneth: Don’t worry, Ms. Lemon. I never get sick. I have the constitution of an ox.
Jack: I’m sorry, what do you call yourself?
Elisa: A Puerto Rican.
Jack: No, I know you can say that, but what do I call you?
Elisa: A Puerto Rican.
Jack: Wow. That does not sound right.
Jack: You know, she’s second generation Puerto Rican.
Liz: Jack, you can’t call her that!
Dr. Spaceman: When is modern science gonna find a cure for a woman’s mouth?
Kenneth: It would be an honor to die at my post and be given the traditional burial of a Parcell man; wrapped in a Confederate flag, fried, and fed to dogs.
Liz: Hey, Cerie. What is this text that you sent me supposed to mean?
Cerie: Your vacation is back on.
Liz: How is this any easier th—
Cerie: I’m so happy the number 4, the letter U.
Dr. Spaceman: If you want a shot, you’re going to have to dance for it. … Very nice.
Tracy: I tried on a lot of outfits.
Jenna: And some of them, I was like “No” but then some of them, I was like “YEAH!”
Elisa: I cannot lose this job. I’d have to go back to working the late shift and Dunkin’ Donuts.
[Flashback]
Elisa: Can I help you?
“Customer”: Yes, what time do you start throwing out doughnuts?
Series: 30 Rock
Season: 3
Episode: [6] Christmas Special
Original Air Date: 12/11/08 (TV); 12/12/08 (Online)
Kenneth: I love helping people less fortunate than me.
Toofer: Where do you find them?
Liz: Listen to this- 'Dear Santa, my name is Chanel Jenkins. I would like some new shoes so I can walk to school. My dream is to be a doctor someday-'
Tracy: [crying] That kid's never going to be a doctor.
Liz: Where are you? I hear sunshine.
Jack: I hit her. I hit her with my car... She’s fine. She’s better than fine. They’re giving her a titanium hip. Like the Terminator. It’s only going to make her more powerful.
Liz: Hey Toofer! Can I buy a kid "Fubu?" Is that a swear word?
Liz: I know, but I have a new family, the Glovers! And I am going to get them all these raping Santas. ... Well I kind of assumed they’d rap, which is kind of racist on my part. But still, best Christmas ever! You’re welcome Glovers!
Tracy: What’s the past tense for "scam?" Is it "scrumped?" Liz Lemon, I think you just got scrumped!
Kenneth: I don’t believe people would do that, Ms. Lemon. This is a religious holiday. When has religion caused any trouble?
Liz: Kenneth, you’re naive.
Kenneth: And you’re acting like a real C-word right now. That’s right - a cranky sue!
Tracy: Liz Lemon, I know you’re going to be all alone on Christmas Day. So if you like, you can spend it with the Jordans.
Liz: I’d love too Tracy.
Tracy: Good, we’ll be over at 2. My kids have a peanut allergy, but my dogs only eat steak.
Jack and Colleen: [singing] Merry Christmas...to yooooooou.
Series: 30 Rock
Season: 3
Episode: [5] Reunion
Original Air Date: 12/04/08 (TV); 12/05/08 (Online)
Kenneth: And your landlord called and he said it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: This may come as some surprise to you, Jack, but I was kind of a lonely nerd in high school.
Liz: I want to go to there.
Dotcom: Tray - why are you in your "angry chair?"
Dotcom: Grizz had to go to the optometrist.
Tracy: Making up words won't save you!
Liz: I saw my grandparents making love once and I didn't leave right away!
Liz: A manhattan, please.
Bartender: Sure, what kind of bourbon?
Liz: ...A white wine spritzer, please.
Rob: Still think I'm "gayer than the volleyball scene in Top Gun?" I can't deal right now. Ugh, I'm so mad all I can do is dance!
Jenna: Is it Allison-from-wardrobe's baby? What is up with that thing? So she can put her foot in her mouth, so can I!
Kenneth: I’m so sorry, Ms. Maroney.
Jenna: No, keep crying. I want you to feel this so you never make this mistake again.
Jack: No, wait! Wait! We cannot do this. We cannot "Carrie" Liz Lemon.
Liz: What? Oh - not okay, guys!
Series: 30 Rock
Season: 3
Episode: [4] Gavin Volure
Original Air Date: 11/20/08 (TV); 11/22/08 (Online)
Liz: "Is this potpourri or chips? Cause I'm gonna try to eat it..."
Gavin: "Ok, I'll send a helicopter. To take you to the train station."
Jack: "Lemon, you're going to work this thing like a Chinese gymnast: Wear something tight, force a smile, and lie about your age."
Gavin: "One of these benches is a priceless work of art, and the other is an ordinary bench from which to admire it."
Gavin: "Aww damnit! I have got a serious case of the Mondays."
Gavin: "I miscounted the men, Liz!!! I miscounted the men!"
Liz: "Tracy, get out of the hallway."
Tracy: "Or am I?"
Liz: "Oh god, THIS dream again?"
Tracy: "Stop patriciding! It's me! There's nothing to be freaked out about! That's just a Japanese sex doll in daddy's bed!"
Jack: "Laundry, Kenneth? I know we pay you a living wage - I fought against it."
Kenneth: "I did some street performing in my neighborhood this weekend."
Pete: "Kenneth - I need someone to be our Floor Emergency Marshall."
Kenneth: "And you came to me first? Thank you, sir!"
Set Worker: "We need the Floor Emergency Marshall!"
Liz: First of all, there’s an omelet bar downstairs, so you should probably go get yourself an omelet.
Jack: Like a waitress!
Kenneth: EAT YOUR VEGETABLES! Geegeege~gyuu!
Jack: A lot of people from the conference emailed me to ask if I was there when the bra-lady went crazy.
