Series: 30 Rock
Episode:  Christmas Special
Original Air Date: 12/11/08 (TV); 12/12/08 (Online)
Kenneth: I love helping people less fortunate than me.
Toofer: Where do you find them?
Liz: Listen to this- 'Dear Santa, my name is Chanel Jenkins. I would like some new shoes so I can walk to school. My dream is to be a doctor someday-'
Tracy: [crying] That kid's never going to be a doctor.
Liz: Where are you? I hear sunshine.
Jack: I hit her. I hit her with my car... She’s fine. She’s better than fine. They’re giving her a titanium hip. Like the Terminator. It’s only going to make her more powerful.
Liz: Hey Toofer! Can I buy a kid "Fubu?" Is that a swear word?
Liz: I know, but I have a new family, the Glovers! And I am going to get them all these raping Santas. ... Well I kind of assumed they’d rap, which is kind of racist on my part. But still, best Christmas ever! You’re welcome Glovers!
Tracy: What’s the past tense for "scam?" Is it "scrumped?" Liz Lemon, I think you just got scrumped!
Kenneth: I don’t believe people would do that, Ms. Lemon. This is a religious holiday. When has religion caused any trouble?
Liz: Kenneth, you’re naive.
Kenneth: And you’re acting like a real C-word right now. That’s right - a cranky sue!
Tracy: Liz Lemon, I know you’re going to be all alone on Christmas Day. So if you like, you can spend it with the Jordans.
Liz: I’d love too Tracy.
Tracy: Good, we’ll be over at 2. My kids have a peanut allergy, but my dogs only eat steak.
Jack and Colleen: [singing] Merry Christmas...to yooooooou.